Tips on Talking to Children About Cancer

Children are impacted by the diagnosis of a parent’s serious illness in many ways. Frequently, their emotional needs and concerns can go unaddressed during times of crisis. Most children want to handle crisis in a positive way and have the potential to cope and grow through this difficult time.

The following suggestions may help children to cope with an illness in the family:

• Honesty is the most important tool. Provide honest, accurate information at the child's developmental level related to the illness and its treatment.
• Use the name of the disease. Many children will hear it somewhere. If the diagnosis is explained by family members, it can help children to feel included and maintains the trust in the relationship. 
• Keep children informed about current medical status as you know it. 
• Let children know that although it is a serious disease, it does not necessarily mean the person will die from it. 
• Let children know what you are doing to help treat the illness and what the side effects are. Explain changes related to energy level and mood.
•  If possible, allow children the choice to attend clinic or make hospital visits and make sure they are well prepared for what to expect.
• Be sure children understand that they did not cause the illness in any way and that it is not contagious (if this is true). 
• Encourage children to ask questions. Older children may even want to ask questions of medical staff. 
• Help children to know that it is OK to express their feelings and that you are willing to talk about anything they would like to discuss. 
• Encourage the expression of feelings. Help children find acceptable ways to express anger.
• Allow yourself to express your emotions in front of your children. It supports that it is alright to feel different ways. 
• Allow for alternative support people for children to talk to … they may be afraid to tell the person with the illness something for fear it may upset them. 
• Keep routines as normal as possible. This predictability allows for a sense of security during an uncertain time. Explain any necessary changes in routines. 
• Let children know it is OK to still have fun and do normal activities even though your family is coping with an illness. 
• Reassure children that they will be cared for no matter what happens. 
• Allow children to find ways to help and be included in new family routines related to the illness experience. However, be careful not to put too much additional responsibility on children. 
• Observe for changes in behavior such as mood, eating and sleeping patterns etc.
• Inform schools about what is going on in the family, as it may impact children's school performance.
• Be prepared to discuss difficult topics such as death.
• If possible, allow your children to interact with other children who may be facing similar life experiences. It helps them to know they are not alone.

-- Melissa Hicks, MS, CCLS, LPC, RPT
-- Farya Phillips MA, CCLS