Tips for Talking to Your Children about Cancer

Children are impacted by the diagnosis of cancer in many ways. Frequently,
their needs and concerns can go unaddressed during times of crisis. In most
cases, children know when something is going on in the family. Most children
want to handle crisis in a positive way and have the potential to cope and grow through this difficult time.

The following suggestions may help children to cope with cancer in the family:

• Honesty is the most important tool. Provide honest, accurate information
  related to cancer and its treatment on the child's developmental level.
• Use the word cancer. Many children will hear it somewhere. If the diagnosis
  is explained by family members, it can help children to feel included and maintains the trust relationship.
• Keep children informed about current status as you know it.
• Let children know what you are doing to help treat the cancer and what
  the side effects are. Explain changes related to energy level and mood.
• If possible, allow children to attend clinic or hospital visits.
• Let children know that cancer is a serious disease, but it does not
  necessarily mean the person will die from it.
• Be sure children understand that they did not cause the cancer in any
  way and that it is not contagious.
• Encourage children to ask questions. Older children may want to ask
  questions of medical staff.
• Help children to know that it is OK to express their feelings and that
  you are willing to talk about anything they would like to discuss.
• Allow for alternative support people for children to talk to … they may be
  afraid to tell the person with cancer something for fear it may upset them.
• Keep routines as normal as possible. This predictability allows for a sense
  of security in an uncertain time. Explain any necessary changes in routines.
• Encourage the expression of feelings. Help children find acceptable ways
  to express anger.
• Allow yourself to express your emotions in front of your children. It
  supports that it is alright to feel different ways.
• Let children know it is OK to still have fun and do normal activities even
  though your family is coping with cancer.
• Reassure children that they will be cared for no matter what happens.
• Allow children to find ways to help and be included in new family routines related to the cancer experience. However, be careful not to put too much additional responsibility on children.
• Observe for changes in behavior.
• Inform schools about what is going on in the family, as it may impact children's school performance.
• Be prepared to discuss difficult topics such as death.
• If possible, allow your children to interact with other children who may be facing similar life experiences. It helps them to know they are not alone.
  

Melissa Hicks, MS, CCLS, LPC, RPT