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Tips
for Talking to Your Children about Cancer
Children
are impacted by the diagnosis of cancer in many ways. Frequently, their
needs and concerns can go unaddressed during times of crisis. In most
cases, children know when something is going on in the family. Most children
want to handle crisis in a positive way and have the potential to cope
and grow through this difficult time.
The following suggestions may help children to cope with cancer in the
family.
- Honesty is the most important tool. Provide honest, accurate
information related to cancer and its treatment on
the child's developmental level.
- Use the word cancer. Many children will hear it somewhere. If
the diagnosis is explained by family members it can
help children to feel included and maintains the trust relationship.
- Keep children informed about current status as you know it.
- Let children know what you are doing to help treat the cancer
and what the side effects are. Explain changes related
to energy level and mood.
- If possible, allow children to attend clinic or hospital visits.
- Let children know that cancer is a serious disease, but it does
not necessarily mean the person will die from
it.
- Be sure children understand that they did not cause the cancer
in any way and that it is not contagious.
- Encourage children to ask questions. Older children may want
to ask questions of medical staff.
- Help children to know that it is OK to express their feelings
and that you are willing to talk about anything
they would like to discuss.
- Allow for alternative support people for children to talk to…they
may be afraid to tell the person with cancer something
for fear it may upset them.
- Keep routines as normal as possible. This predictability allows
for a sense of security in an uncertain time. Explain any
necessary changes in routines.
- Encourage the expression of feelings. Help children find acceptable
ways to express anger.
- Allow yourself to express your emotions in front of your children.
It supports that it is alright to feel different
ways.
- Let children know it is OK to still have fun and do normal activities
even though your family is coping with cancer.
- Reassure children that they will be cared for no matter what
happens.
- Allow children to find ways to help and be included in new family
routines related to the cancer experience. However,
be careful not to put too much additional responsibility on children.
- Observe for changes in behavior.
- Inform schools about what is going on in the family, as it may
impact children's school performance.
- Be prepared to discuss difficult topics such as death.
- If possible, allow your children to interact with other children
who may be facing similar life experiences. It helps them
to know they are not alone.
Melissa Hicks, MS, CCLS, LPC, RPT
Child Life Specialist
Wonders & Worries
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